When we decided to try to get pregnant, we had no idea it would come so quickly for us. In fact, I can still remember the day when we found out. For a few days, my emotions were getting to me. I felt more prone to tears and was a little on the down side, and I had no idea why. I was in the middle of one of my emotional meltdowns, when Chad suggested, "maybe you're just pregnant". He suggested I try one of the pregnancy tests that I'd picked up at the store a few days earlier. I thought it was too soon to tell anything, but agreed to try anyways. When a faint yellow line began to appear, I initially thought that symbolized a negative sign, meaning I wasn't pregnant. But then we looked to the box for further clarification. From the box, we learned that a line meant positive! Maybe there was an explanation for my emotions after all. The line was so faint, however, that we wouldn't know for sure until I saw my family doctor a few days later.
I was about a month along when we went to Florida to spend time with the Guerras. We stayed in their grandma's timeshare that she had on the beach in Panama City. It was fun to spend time with everyone, maybe a little humid for my taste, but fun...that is, until my morning sickness kicked in. At the time, I didn't know that hunger would make the nausea worse. To me it seemed counter intuitive to eat when you already feel nauseated. Because of this I spent a good day or so rotating between tossing and turning in bed mixed with occasional moaning (I swear sporadic moaning helps take the edge off pain), throwing up, back to bed some more, back to the toilet to dry heave, etc, etc. A google search taught me of the need to constantly snack to ward off nausea. The only thing that remotely appealed to me were the cheap Winn Dixie cinnamon rolls that Chad's dad had kept buying that whole week. All of the family had given him grief about it throughout our time there, but he continued to stock up with each trip to Winn Dixie. Needless to say, he was glad to win someone over to his side in support of the cinnamon rolls. While Chad's dad stocked up on the cinnamon rolls, Chad's mom bought me a supply of saltine crackers to cope with my nausea. Sadly, these made me dry heave and didn't even phase my nausea...back to the cheap cinnamon rolls!
It was good to get back home to be sick in my own bed, but the next few months would also be a challenge for me. My morning sickness got worse and was oftentimes debilitating leaving me confined to the house while Chad was at work. I thought being sick was hard, but adding loneliness and boredom on top of it made this even more trying. I gained new appreciation of the Savior's command to visit the sick and administer to their relief (see Matthew 25:35-40, Mosiah 4:26). We continued to have our traditional movie nights with Chad's family and they were always welcome guests. Somehow their presence eased my morning sickness. There were also other visits and other visitors that gave me temporary relief. I'm grateful for them.
Even though I struggled, the Lord did not leave me comfortless. One night as I drifted off to sleep, a particular scripture came to mind. I looked it up the next morning in my scripture study. This scripture would become my theme through this time period. "And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings" (1 Nephi 17:2).
There were many times when I thought to myself, I have a high tolerance of pain in some respects, but when it comes to nausea and morning sickness, I'm a wuss! I'd always had pretty good health. My struggles had come in other areas, for example, I felt I could handle heartbreak and rejection fairly well. Surely my years of dating and serving a mission in Spain had helped me in that respect. I also felt I was pretty good at dealing with the pains of oxygen debt and lactic acid- I'd spent years lifting weights and running which had disciplined me in dealing with these types of pain. The scripture in 1 Nephi reassured me that this trial, like all trials, was to help make me "strong like a man" so that I could bear my pain without complaint. My morning sickness finally dissappeared after four months. I can't say that I was able to get to the point where I could bear the sickness without any complaint whatsoever (I'm sure it will take me a few more pregnancys to get to that point), but I did see myself getting stronger.
"And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness" (1 Nephi 17:3). I know that having this child is what the Lord would have us do. We're grateful to be entrusted with such a blessing and responsibility and I know that as we move forward with faith, the Lord will nourish, strengthen, and provide means for us to fulfill his commandments.
